DIY vs Store-Bought Toys: What It Really Means When Thoughtful Play Gets Ignored

DIY toys often serve a different developmental role.

They tend to support:

• sensory exposure

• regulation

• body awareness

• open-ended exploration

They don’t usually offer a clear “job”.

And that’s intentional.

But without an obvious purpose or loop, many toddlers will:

• touch briefly

• gather information

• move on

That doesn’t mean the toy lacked value.

It means the experience was processed quickly.

If a toy doesn’t hold your child’s attention today, it doesn’t mean it was a poor choice — and it doesn’t mean your effort was wasted.

When Our Meaning Gets in the Way

What often trips us up isn’t the toy itself, but the meaning we quietly attach to our child’s response.

When something is handmade or thoughtfully chosen, we’re more likely to read a lack of engagement as rejection — of the activity, or sometimes, of our effort.

But toddlers aren’t responding to intention.

They’re responding to fit — fit with their body, their focus, and what their nervous system is ready for in that moment.

The Same Pattern as Christmas Presents

This is where the connection to the Christmas post becomes clear.

When Brandon didn’t open his presents immediately, it wasn’t because he didn’t care.

It was because:

• he was already engaged elsewhere

• the new item didn’t yet connect to his current goal

When I gently said something like:

“This box might make the activity you’re doing even better,”

he opened it.

Not because it was a gift — but because it made sense to him.

The same principle applies to toys, DIY or otherwise.

Toddlers don’t engage based on novelty or effort.

They engage based on relevance.

DIY vs Store-Bought Toys Aren't In Competition

Different toys do different developmental jobs..

DIY Play	Store-Bought Play
Sensory sampling	Skill repetition
Open-ended	Goal-oriented
Short bursts	Longer focus
Often adult-supported	Often child-led
Regulation-focused	Attention-building

One isn’t better.

They’re complementary.

How to Get More Value from DIY (Without Forcing It)

If you enjoy DIY — and many parents do — a few gentle shifts help:

• Offer one item at a time

  • Too many choices dilute attention.

• Embed it into a routine

  • During diaper changes, before bedtime, while waiting — context matters.

• Model curiosity, not instruction

  • Squeeze it yourself. Name sensations casually. No performance required.

• Let “short” be enough

  • Not every experience is meant to hold attention. Some are just meant to be noticed.

And sometimes? It’s okay to skip DIY altogether.

That’s not a failure.

That’s discernment.

A Quiet Reframe for Parents

A toddler who doesn’t immediately open presents or linger on thoughtfully prepared activities is often:

• internally motivated

• deeply focused

• not driven by adult approval

Those are not traits to correct.

They’re signs of a child who knows what they’re doing right now — and isn’t easily pulled away.

He’ll Revisit It Later

I’m confident Brandon will return to those stress balls someday — folded into another activity, on his terms, when it fits.

And that’s the part worth trusting.

Not every meaningful experience looks impressive in the moment.Some do their work quietly — and only reveal their value over time.

References & Further Reading

Berk, L. E. (2013). Child development (9th ed.). Pearson Education.

Gibson, E. J. (1988). Exploratory behavior in the development of perceiving, acting, and the acquiring of knowledge. Annual Review of Psychology, 39, 1–41.

Montessori, M. (1967). The absorbent mind. Holt, Rinehart and Winston.

Panksepp, J. (2007). Can play diminish ADHD and facilitate the construction of the social brain? Journal of the Canadian Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 16(2), 57–66.

Ruff, H. A., & Rothbart, M. K. (1996). Attention in early development: Themes and variations. Oxford University Press.

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child. Delacorte Press.

Vygotsky, L. S. (1978). Mind in society: The development of higher psychological processes. Harvard University Press.