Am I Doing Enough for My Child?

“Am I doing enough for my child?”

It’s a question that sneaks up on me more often than I’d like to admit. And last week, as Brandon turned two, it feels louder than ever.

When I look back at the last two years, I see both joy and doubt.

The joy is easy: the giggles, the short trips to nearby Malaysia, the zoo and bird park visits, the everyday outings to a shopping centre that somehow turned into adventures. The milestones that seemed so small then but feel enormous in hindsight.

The doubt, though — it’s harder to shake. Like so many parents, I sometimes ask myself: Am I doing enough for Brandon? Is he learning enough? Am I giving him what he needs?

The psychology of parental self-doubt

Research shows this question is nearly universal. Psychologists call it parental guilt — that nagging feeling that whatever you’re doing, it’s not quite enough. Recent research confirms that parental guilt is not just a passing feeling — in fact, guilt can partially mediate the relationship between parental stress, low parental confidence, and depressive symptoms (Muñoz-Peña et al., 2025).

And in Singapore, those expectations can feel especially strong. It’s common for children to enter infant care as early as two or three months, especially when both parents are working full time. Enrichment classes, playgroups, and “starting early” have almost become a cultural script.

So when we do something different, like keeping Brandon out of infant care, the doubt naturally creeps in: If I’m not doing what everyone else is doing, am I holding him back?

Choosing presence over pressure

For us, we’ve been fortunate to have the flexibility to take the slower route — spending mornings exploring, making memories, and simply being together. And here’s the reassuring part: despite the worries, the feedback we often get from people we meet is that Brandon is well-socialised.

He doesn’t come across as “isolated at home,” as some might assume. Instead, he greets, plays, and interacts confidently — and often surprises people who expect otherwise.

Research backs this up. Zero to Three highlights that children learn social skills not only in classrooms, but also in everyday interactions — greeting neighbours, chatting with relatives, helping at the cashier, or playing at the park. The world becomes their classroom.

It’s the little things that matter most

The Harvard Center on the Developing Child explains “serve and return” interactions — the back-and-forth of communication and attention — as the building blocks of healthy brain development.

These don’t require elaborate lesson plans or structured enrichment. They happen when we answer a toddler’s endless “mama, mama, mama”, when we pause to watch a bird in the park, or when we giggle together at bath time.

I remember one day when I was completely worn out. Instead of pulling out toys or rushing into structured play, I simply lay down on the floor and asked Brandon to climb, walk, and step on my back. To him, it was fun and silly. To me, it was rest. And in that ordinary moment, we both connected.

That’s the thing about parenting: sometimes “enough” looks like the simplest, most imperfect gestures.

Am I Doing Enough for my Child? It looks different for every family

One thing I’m learning is that “enough” doesn’t look the same for every family.

For some, “enough” means balancing long work hours with treasured weekend time. For single parents, “enough” can look like leaning on extended family or community support. For others, “enough” may mean making use of infant care or preschools early, because that’s what keeps the family healthy and steady.

There isn’t a single formula. What matters most is the sense of love and connection that children feel within their unique circumstances.

Milestones and the myth of being “behind”

Another source of self-doubt comes from comparing milestones. In a culture that prizes “being ahead”, it’s easy to panic if your child doesn’t tick every box as early as someone else’s.

But developmental research consistently shows that children grow at different paces, and early isn’t always better. What matters is steady progress, responsive caregiving, and a supportive environment.

Practical ways to quiet the doubt

Self-doubt might never fully go away — and maybe that’s not a bad thing, because it reminds us we care. But here are a few gentle ways to ground yourself when the “Am I doing enough?” voice gets loud:

• Look back at photos or notes. They remind you of the richness of everyday moments.

• Notice the small joys daily. A giggle, a cuddle, a curious question — these are signs of thriving.

• Ask your child what they loved today. Their answers are often simpler (and more heartwarming) than we expect.

Love makes “enough” enough

So, am I doing enough? Some days, I still wonder. But I’m learning that “enough” isn’t measured by how many enrichment classes we sign up for, or how early we send our kids to school.

It’s measured in the ordinary moments that become extraordinary because they are shared.

And maybe the truth is this: self-doubt may never fully disappear. Maybe it lingers because it reminds us that we care deeply, that we’re always trying.

Perhaps that, in itself, is the answer. Love makes “enough” enough.

What about you — what are the little moments that remind you you’re already enough for your child?

References

Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (n.d.). Serve and return. Harvard University. https://developingchild.harvard.edu/key-concept/serve-and-return/

Greater Good Science Center. (2019, September 24). The surprising power of simply showing up. University of California, Berkeley. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_surprising_power_of_simply_showing_up

Muñoz-Peña, I. J., González-Gutiérrez, J. L., Yunta-Rua, L., Pacho-Hernández, J. C., & López-López, A. (2025). Stress, perceived competence and guilt as predictors of depression in parents with chronic pain. Frontiers in Psychology, 15, 1473955. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1473955

Zero to Three. (2017, July 13). 12-24 Months: Social and Emotional Development. https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/12-24-months-social-emotional-development/

Zero to Three. (2017, July 13). 24-36 Months: Social and Emotional Development. https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/24-36-months-social-emotional-development/