We Turned Out Fine… But Did We Really? Rethinking Generational Parenting Differences

From Authority to Understanding — Moving beyond “Because I said so” and embracing conversations that build trust.

Ever wonder why parenting looks so different across generations? Why kids today seem so… different? They negotiate. They push back. They question everything - a far cry from the way many of us were raised.

We grew up obeying without a second thought. We didn’t bargain with our parents, and we certainly didn’t get a say in the rules. And yet, we turned out fine.

Didn’t we?

Generational Parenting Differences: Then vs. Now - A Different World, A Different Child

"From ‘Because I Said So’ to ‘Let’s Talk’" — Childhood has shifted from a world of unquestioned rules to one where children’s voices are heard and valued.

Let’s rewind a little.

Back then:

• “Because I said so” was an acceptable explanation.

• Respect was fear-based, not trust-based.

• Emotions were things to “get over,” not work through.

• Compliance was prized far above curiosity.

Children weren’t taught to name their feelings, negotiate for needs, or expect their opinions to matter. Instead, they were taught to fall in line - and that was the norm.

We learned to adapt to adult moods, keep our heads down, and get on with things. It made us resilient, but often through suppression, not healthy regulation.

The New Childhood

Today’s children are growing up in a different paradigm, intentionally or not.

• Child psychology and neuroscience have shown how early emotional experiences shape the brain for life.

• Responsive parenting approaches encourage connection, empathy, and collaboration.

• Trauma-informed practices have moved from therapy rooms into everyday parenting.

• Technology has given children instant answers, endless entertainment, and constant feedback loops.

Instead of being shaped primarily by control and correction, children today are shaped by conversation, choice, and co-regulation.

Connection at Eye Level — A parent crouches down to meet their child’s gaze, showing that listening and presence speak louder than words.

This has brought incredible gains. Children are more self-aware, expressive, and emotionally literate. But it’s also created new challenges:

• They’re more prone to negotiation in every scenario.

• They struggle more when faced with firm limits.

• They can be emotionally overwhelmed without the resilience that past generations developed from harder, less forgiving upbringings.

Why Some Kids Seem “Complacent”

It’s tempting to see today’s children as lazier or less driven. But often, it’s not laziness—it’s underpractice.

Many have been:

• Over-directed by adults who structure every moment

• Over-protected from failure and discomfort

• Over-entertained with instant gratification

Without enough space to wrestle with boredom, frustration, and delayed gratification, some children haven’t built the muscle for self-starting or pushing through challenge.

Mid‑Activity Pause for Approval — A child interrupts her painting to seek validation from an adult, illustrating how praise‑dependence can impact confidence and self‑motivation.

The Praise Trap

On the flip side, some children are raised in a constant glow of encouragement.

They’ve been praised so often - sometimes for even the smallest effort, that they start living for approval. They become praise-dependent, measuring their worth by the applause they receive.

When praise dries up, so does their confidence. They may hesitate to try unless they’re sure they’ll succeed, robbing them of the growth that comes from risk and persistence.

Praise isn’t bad. But it’s not enough. We need to affirm effort, resilience, and progress - not just achievement.

But We Turned Out Fine… Didn’t We?

We did. On paper. We work, we parent, we contribute. We keep things together.

But look closer and you’ll find:

• Hidden anxiety masked as productivity

• Fear of failure disguised as perfectionism

• People-pleasing dressed up as being “easygoing”

We were well-behaved, but not always well-regulated. We were resilient, but often because we had no choice.

We turned out fine, but often at a cost. And now, many of us are in therapy or self-reflection, learning to reparent ourselves while raising our own children.

Where Do We Go From Here?

This doesn’t mean we abandon boundaries in the name of empathy. Nor does it mean going back to fear-based parenting.

We need balance:

• Hold boundaries with warmth

• Validate feelings, but teach that feelings don’t always drive decisions

• Praise wisely, not constantly

• Let kids try, struggle, fail, and recover

• Lead with connection, but never shy away from structure

Because our goal isn’t just to raise kids who “turn out okay”. It’s to raise kids who don’t have to spend adulthood unlearning survival strategies.

Let’s give them what many of us didn’t get: Tools, not trauma. Security, not suppression. Worth that isn’t dependent on praise or performance.

We turned out fine.

But they can turn out free.

And whole.

Walking Toward Tomorrow — A parent guides their child forward, hand in hand, embracing a future built on connection, security, and freedom.